Christianity Walking - a follow-up post.

Fog rolls away as I walk down the sidewalk, hands buried deep in my sweatshirt pockets, trying to wipe the fog from my brain. My puppy nudges me with his nose, asking me to walk faster... at six in the morning? this is as fast as I'm getting. I pass a home cloaked in complete darkness, everyone still sound asleep. Here is a home with a dim light int he upstairs window, the college kid who rents the upstairs bedroom is no doubt struggling to wake up - just like me. Another home with a dim light in the kitchen, I can distinctly smell coffee.

Every day I take this walk, three times a day actually. Same homes, same people. I've only lived here three months, but there is a lot you can learn from walking past peoples homes everyday.  There is the older gentleman in the little brick house with the arched door. He's a bookworm, every inch of what I can see through the door is taken up with books, literally floor to ceiling books. There's the college girl, with her junker car, she's an exchange student -her accent is thick as she talks to my dog. There's the firemen lounging on their bench. There's the lady with the immaculate gardens, her refined bearing is coupled with a sweet smile. There's the little boy, no more than 11, head down his face is sad, but he always smiles down at my puppy.

At work I pick up the phone as it rings, our office is small, and I've quickly come to put a face to who I'm talking. She's a jolly little lady, she slips catnip to the office cat every time she comes in. She jokes with me as I set up an appointment for her, you'd never know from her voice that she has cancer.  A lonely old man comes by to pick up papers, he lingers by my desk to chat. There's a young woman calling, her father just died, and as she sobs, she asks that we help her with his final affairs. Another lady blusters in and out, signing papers as fast as she can, her three year old grandson shows me his toy. 

An older lady sits all alone on a church pew, her face hard and resolute, I've seen her there every Sunday, always slipping out right before the service ends. An old man looks down at his hands as he walks away from the church organ, there is a tear in his eye as he flexes his stiff fingers. A girl sits alone, the only one from her family, brought by the church buss. She is uncomfortable and self conscious, her face generally hidden by a webbing of brown hair. 

So many people that I bump into everyday. So, so many hurting people. People who need help, people who need help, but most of all? People who just need a friend. 

Yes, they are lost and hopeless, and I may be the only Jesus they see today. But will they see Him in me? 

This is why I am so afraid of Christian snobbery. Because snobbery keeps you so focused on yourself and on critiquing everyone else that you never see all the millions of people in the background.  You are so zeroed in on being perfect, that you miss life. And all those millions of people? They keep carrying their load, and your disdainful look at their clothing only adds one more bitter drop to their cup. 

I read this quote today, by a lovely christian lady, it echos the hurt that I have felt and have heard from others. 

"And when I was the one in the throes of deep depression and illness, I felt like a leper no one would come near -- when I was the "least of these", where was Jesus with skin on? Where was the church?" ~Nacole

If people within the church feel that, what about people outside of the church? They are not some separate race of humans without feelings. They can see when we strain to avoid them. They know when we patronize them. They hurt when we fling sloppily veiled hints about what we think of them. 

All those people. People in the church, people outside of it. They all need the hope of salvation. But they also need someone to show it to them. I want to be "Jesus with the skin on" to them. I want to be their friend.  I don't have to live like them, or dress like them, or go the same places they go. I just need to listen, to care, to  love them. He loves me, even though I am frail and weak, and generally falling face first into some mistake. 

So to anyone wondering. No, I won't be a Christian snob, but I will be a Christian friend. That's all I want, just to portray Jesus to someone. 

I'll talk books with the bookworm, I'll ask the exchange student how she's doing at school and if she needs helping finding anything in town, I'll swap recipes and cat stories with the lady from work, I'll stop and actually talk to the man who pauses by my desk, I'll take a plate of muffins to the woman who just lost her father, I'll try and say hi to the lady as she leaves the church, I'll stop and hug the lonely girl. 

Not because I'm a polished example of christian virtue, but because really, I'm just like them, only I've found Jesus and He has given me Himself, and that includes His compassion. 

 ^"But When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."

So tomorrow, as I groggily walk down the sidewalk, I want to be Jesus to all the people I meet, because that's Christianity walking. 

Fine Print: Quote not mine all credit goes to Nacole. Images not mine - Pinterest. 

Snobbery

We've all met snobs. The people who think they are perfect, think they have the most superior minds, think they have it all together. The problem isn't really in the fact that they think they are so wonderful, the problem comes when they know that we, their lowly human relations are not perfect, neither do we have superior brains like them, and we certainly don't have it together. They are better than us, and they let us know that. We call them snobs in return.

You meet an awful lot of snobs in life. They seem to pop in every area, school, work, social interactions, goodness, I met an iced tea snob the other day in McDonalds. The sad thing is, one of the easiest places to bump into a snob? Church.  Especially a conservative church.

Yeah, church. Now I am a conservative christian. I do not believe in avoiding church because of the stigma  church people have gotten themselves. I just want to draw a little attention to the fact that, fellow church people, we are snobs. SNOBS. And we've gotta quit it.

I've been a snob, I see traces of snobbery popping up all through my past, and sadly, foreshadowed in my future. I used to think that I had it all together. I lived in the perfect family, I believed in purity, I prominently desplayed books by all the religious elite, I wore skirts at just that certain length on my leg, I never wore flashy jewelry, never watched TV, never attended a movie theater, I memorized long passages of scripture, I sang in the choir, I rigorously took notes during sermons.

Not that any of those things were inherently bad. But I was being a snob while doing them.  You see I had some warped sub-conscious idea, that all those things made me better somehow. That I was cleaner than the christian rock singing, raccoon eyed, high heel clicking teen across the room.

I was never out and out taught that. In fact I was taught that nothing that I did, made me better. My Pastor tried to explain that no outward conformity changed how God looked at us. But the people I was surrounded with? They showed me something completely different. I don't think they meant to, I think it was something they didn't even realize they were believing. But slowly and surely, I was inducted in to Christian snobbery.

Things like movies and clothing had to be perfect, before each other. If someone actually watched a modern movie, it was kept as some sort of secret. Afraid, I guess that the other's in the flock would find out, and think that we were less spiritual. We cleaned things up to look great.

Things like this were said. "Hey, you've got to hear the new CD from the ---. It has a beautiful rendition
of "In Christ Alone".  "Yes" someone would say, "but wasn't that song by a contemporary christian writer?" "Yeah, but they have cleaned it up, taken all the extra stuff out."

As if, some group could remove drums from a song and it become magically acceptable to God. Same words, same tune, just no drums.

Guys, that's snobbery. This idea that we have the corner on what's right and wrong, that we can determine how people should look, what sort of music pleases God. That we have the responsibility to keep people in line, and make sure that we are set apart Christians.

But you see, when God calls us out of the world, to be separate, He meant for it to happen in our hearts. Not just in out outward appearance, and the things we participate in.

Snobbery affects others. It drives others away. Not only will the unsaved and hurting people be forced away by your odd manner of life, and unusual clothes, they'll also flee from your condescending attitude. The sad thing, is, you probably won't even know that you have a condescending attitude.

 Snobbery hurts fellow believers as well. It makes them either be fearful of appearing wrong in your eyes (so they'll cover up anything questionable, and become snobs just like you). Or it will make them run the other direction, and you'll heave a sigh as they leave and say, "poor things, they just don't understand. I'll pray for them." and you'll honestly attribute it to their flagrant heart problems. All that is really wrong is they are scared, and scarred from  your snobbery.

Snobbery affect you too. You will slowly introvert, pulling inwards. Your efforts to keep up the front of perfection, even though something done almost entirely in your sub-conscious, will wear you out. You will stop growing, you will stagnate.  When water stagnates, millions of bacteria breed, and the water becomes dangerous and deadly. That's how you'll become. And, unless you are shaken awake, you'll never know it.

It's a big problem, it's a serious problem, and honestly it's scary. I know I'm just a 21 year old, blogger with about 4 regular readers. But, I have seen where christian snobbery can lead. And I never want to be a chrisitian snob again.

You're going to see some things around here change. I'm not going to hide anything anymore. I'm going to openly admit things, things I do because I have asked God to show me if they are wrong, and so far He hasn't. I'm sure  much of what I have changed and will change in my life will be attributed to "young Adult rebelliousness." Honestly, it's just an effort to survive, to see who God really is, without having to wear or do a certain thing to reach him. I'm not rebelling, and going for "easy-believe-ism" or "seeker friendly" Christianity, I'm just trying to get away from all of the extra.

>Yes, I do have TV.  Yes, I do watch it.
> Yes, I do  wear short skirt, jeans, high heels, jewelry, sparkly makeup, and fingernail polish, and Yes, I do follow some fashion trends.
> Yes, I do have the internet.
> Yes, I do listen to Contemporary Christian Music. And yes, after my Dad passed away, I found more comfort in those songs than in the old hymns.
> Yes, I will occasionally go to the movie theater.
> Yes, I do read books that are not in the Christian Genre.
> Yes, I do know a few pop songs.

And yes, I refuse to be a snob anymore. I'm not the greatest person out there. I fall into sin repeatedly.  I admit that. You know, I have to admit that until God shattered my snobbish outlook on life. I never really saw myself as someone who was that sinful, or someone who really needed saving. It wasn't until the facade was stripped down, that I saw who I really am, a sinful wretch, naked before God. But someone who He loves, someone whose name is written in His very hand. I cannot begin to tell you, the immense joy and relief I have experienced as I let God take away everything that distinctively pointed me out as a hyper - conservative Christian.

I've probably ruffled a lot of feathers. I'll probably lose some followers. That's okay, I've already lost a lot of friends through this already. It's been quite the journey, but I'm not stopping, I'm going to let God strip away everything He wants to.

So, to wrap this up here is a song that paints a pretty good picture of Christian snobbery, and of the introverted people they unintentionally become.

But really, "What if there is a bigger picture, what if I'm missing out, what if there's a greater purpose I could be living right now, outside my own little world?"

Christian snobs, are well intentioned I think. In fact, I believe they don't even know that they are becoming introverted. They think that it's their job to hold onto others, to keep them in the dress code, and outline that they've created. They think that they are doing what is right, being safe. But God doesn't ask for safe. He asks us to live for Him, and for Him only, no dress code, no outline for life. He want's all of our attention, all of our love.  He want's us to reach others, not force them away.

Seeking only Him in my fallible human way,
Amanda

And you guys thought I was bad...

See?  I'm not the only one who makes up book-affiliated words. :) Now try and tell me that you don't want a T - shirt with that on it.


I've been being a librocubicularist quite a bit these past two weeks. Somewhere, within some friendly handshake, I received a horrid bit of bacteria. Said horrid bacteria, drained every bit of life out of me and left me coughing and sneezing my way through almost 2 entire weeks.

It was awful.

So, wrapped in my sweatshirt, armed with many books, and a pantry full of vegetable broth and Ramen noodles, I buckled down and tried to get better. It took several complicated crimes on my favorite mystery show, 2 audiobooks, 39 cups of tea, a can of paint, multiple episodes of Dr. Who, one furry cat, and precisely one and a half boxes of Cheez-its.

(Yes, Cheez-its are required when you are sick.)

But I am better now, and ready to attack life head on. :)

I'll be back very soon.  Stay well, and take time to be a librocubicularist today.

:)
Fine Print:  Above image and word is not mine. Much applause to the brilliant genius who created this word. :)

Dear Blogosphere

Dear Blogosphere,

I miss you. How have you been? I'm okay.

Well, not okay, more like trying to catch my breath.

Last year I had no idea that this would happen. I intended to be a vegetable raising, novel writing, piano playing, fun things crafting, blogging sort of girl for the rest of my life - or till I got married - whichever came first. But then, life went crazy, and nothing is what I had planned. I'm a totally different person, it's like I've been morphed into some other human being. I'm still trying to figure out where that person came from.

I catch glimpses of myself in the rear view mirror of my car, and struggle to realize that that person in the driver's seat is me. Me... the girl who was never, ever going to learn to drive. That person with the zebra striped phone to her ear, the earrings, the new haircut, the business suit. That's me?

I'm the girl rushing around her apartment kitchen, grabbing coffee, petting the cats, heels clicking, adrenaline racing, all to get to work on time.

I'm the girl typing up documents in a lawyer's office, answering phones (who'da thought... all my life I have hated phones!) chatting with clients, and puzzling over the intricacies of the law.

I'm the girl planning her first foray into college.

Can you see why I'm going crazy? Why I sometimes catch myself and wonder what the name of this new person is, and where on earth I disappeared to. I love all this new life, but a part of me still reaches back to the quiet country girl who had nothing more exciting to talk about than the deer who ate my beet plants. I miss that girl sometimes.

Maybe she hasn't completely disappeared. I catch glimpses of her occasionally. She's the one who loves to cook, who pins furiously in an attempt to satisfy her inner crafter. The girl who gets up in the middle of the night to jot down a plot for a novel. I still have a garden, even though it's shrunk considerably, (for instance: from 40 tomato plants, to 2).  I still play the piano, though nowadays, I only have time for one song, played after I get home from work in an attempt to calm down from the bustle. I still read, even if only in snippets. And I still want to blog. At work, I have blog posts forever flitting into my head. (Not a good thing if you are trying to write a business letter to a client.)

So there you are my dear blogosphere. There is me all wrapped up in a confusing tangle, something like the gordian knot you know.

I hope this letter finds you well. Do tell me what is going on with you.

Sincerely yours,
Amanda

:)

Fine print: If you've read this far, the images are not mine, totally adorable though. :)

Fireflies

When I was little there was one night every summer that I would eagerly look forwards to. I never knew when it would come, or what I would be doing when it came.  I just knew that once it started to happen the most magical night of all would be there, waiting for me. And, every year, sometime in June the night would open up.

Without any warning, a sparkle of yellow light would catch my eye, and then another, and another. As night would deepen there would be a great mist of yellow sparkles rising up from the grass. As they go higher their ranks would break and a million tiny fireflies would flash their tiny lights.  Making the sky look like the stars were dancing, and reminding me of the falling sparks of a firework. 


Until I was forced into bed, I would chase them, catching them in my hands, and  watching as their lights would distinguish in the captivity. Slowly I'd pull my hands away, and as they firefly took off, watch his tiny light flash and glow.

What makes a firefly glow? Why does he choose to only sparkle in the night?  What is the purpose for his light? I never could understand, but I knew that watching the fireflies I understood a very simple truth.

Night is dark, very dark in the summer. The firefly is just a tiny little insect, a very insignificant bug during the day.  Alone, his light is not very strong. Yet, when joined together, a thousand fireflies can bring light and comfort in the dark night.

This world is big and dark and scary. It seems that the sun shines so seldom here. I feel so small and insignificant against it's heavy darkness. Yet, when I join together with a thousand other small insignificant creatures. We can bring light and comfort into the darkness.

The firefly must choose to light the sky. He must fly up out of the protecting grass and lend his light. A light that he did not create, but a light that was given to him for just one purpose, to sparkle in the darkness.

I must choose to rise up out of my safe hiding spot. I must choose to use the light granted me for what it was meant for, a small sparkle in the darkness. It's my choice, but it's also my highest calling, and the only place where I will find happiness.

Follow the fireflies!


Fine Print: Images not mine but are from Pinterest .com

Announcing....

Drum-roll...


Trumpet blast....

(Clears throat, taps microphone, straightens necklace)

I'd like to make an announcement. Today is the grand opening of a brand new blog. In the Library. A book review blog like no other written by Maria (Miss Georgiana Darcy) and Your's Truly. :)  Come on over, I can't wait to show you all around! :)

Fineprint: Don't read this go to the blog! 

Iced Chai Latte...

My boxes are quickly emptying. My walls have gone from dirty white and sage green, to butter yellow, turquoise, and a nice sandy brown. My furniture is set up, and I've cooked my first meal in my new home (hot ham and cheese sandwich... how grand) My cat has established her new favorite places, and my tiny deck garden has been planted.

It's finally starting to feel like home. I'll have to show you all pictures. :)

By the end of the week I should have internet at home, farewell to my iced chai latte. :(

(By the way, you who have not yet stepped across Panera's doors, go, do it! It's great. :)

I haven't got anything profound, or exceptionally interesting to say. I really just popped in to say that I miss you all, that I've got 800 blog posts in my reader, and that I'm really going to miss the latte's.

And perhaps, since I haven't got anything to say, why don't you all answer a question I've been wondering about.

What genre of books do you read?

Adventure, Biography, Historical fiction, Sci-fi, Romance, Comedy...

And which is better, old books, or new books?

Can't wait to hear your answers, I am asking for a reason. :)

P.S. Anybody know what Blog train is? I received an invitation, can someone tell me what it is?

TTFN