I've written three posts in the last three days. But I never could decided if they were blog worthy, so they shall reside in my stock blog post box for emergencies! : )
Today, you get to see the real me. Yep. Me. Part of the reason this blog was created was to share with my friends and family the real me. The good, the bad, the ugly.
Are you still reading, or did I scare you away?
I've been having some hard times recently. Losing one of your nearest and dearest of friends so unexpectedly hurts. Hurt doesn't even seem to half explain the feeling.
There have been times, many, many times, when my faith disintegrates, and I ask over and over again "why God?", "why me?", "why Now?" "why?".
There are times that I slump into feeling sorry for myself. When my focus is only on me and how smashed my life seems.
And then there are times that I bolster up myself and paint a smile on my face. I talk to person after person as if everything is okay, that I'm doing well. Yet, all the while I'm wishing I could put on my sunglasses to hide the tears in my eyes.
Do you see the problem with all of these? All I am seeing is myself, my hurt, my pride.
It's good to grieve. I know . But there is a point where I must turn away from all the pain and grief and cling to Christ. Last Sunday, our pastor was preaching on the woman with the issue of blood from Luke 8. Of how her life was wrecked, wearisome, hardly worth living. But how, in her desperation, she battled her way close to Jesus and grabbed the edge of his outer garment. All her faith was upon that one brief touch. And because of her faith, she was healed.
He went on to say that we must let go of our doubts, our fears, our grief, and clutch at Christ. He is the rock, He will never move, never fail us. And He promises to carry, comfort, and heal us.
These words have comforted me over and over today. I can see in my minds eye the picture of that woman moving through the crowd. Her reaching forwards with all her strength, just to touch Him. That was faith. Am I reaching towards Him. Straining every muscle to catch hold and cling to Him?
It's only in His arms, (which are always open) that I will find the strength I need.
This post has run long but I'd like to take my liberty as the author to go a little longer. I recently ran across the Multitudes on Mondays- "one thousand gifts" link up. Where, every Monday, you list some of the thing you are thankful for. Here are just a few of the things, I am grateful for today.
1. Christ's unending love.
2. The sun rising later in the mornings, and earlier in the evenings, giving me more opportunities to see the sunrises and sunsets.
3. The cool crisp hint of fall in the air today.
4. Two silly little kitties, keeping us very much amused.
5. Iced coffee, It's not an essential to life, but life wouldn't be quite as nice without it.
6. 26 Quart jars of freshly canned spaghetti sauce, and...
7. 17 bags of fresh salsa, all done up today.
8. Several cans of fresh, new paint just waiting to be opened and dipped into tomorrow.
9. Books.... : )
Until later,
Amanda
Fine print: flower picture, and books picture are not my own. The spaghetti sauce one is, but then, you probably already knew that by the quality of the picture.
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Even though you said you don't think this post doesn't count as an outtake, I decided to read it anyway. And honestly, I think it does.
ReplyDeleteI've been having the same troubles you've been having with your faith lately. It feels like I always lose. Whether it's a contest or a giveaway, or even something that's totally different, it's like everyone's geared up to make sure I don't succeed. And I ask myself and I ask God, "Why?" "Why do I always have to lose? Why not him, or her, or even her-even though she's really popular and I don't want to hurt her feelings but still, she needs to know what it feels like to be left out-?" But, I've put those feelings aside {I'm still working on it, actually} and I've learned to lean on God. One of my best friends said, that when you enter into your secret place, it can be as simple as thinking about God. And when you do, you hear those two warming, comforting words, "Welcome Home". He wants to hear about you. Your life. He wants to know your fears and lift the burden off of you. Even though he's God and he knows everything about you, he wants you to tell him for yourself.
This is probably one of the best things I've read in a really long time. I am so sorry you lost your friend. I really am. I lost a friend too. I miss her. That would be an understatement. I've had those times {I still am} when I talk to people like everything is fine, but really I just want to break down and cry. A word of advice, don't hold all your emotion inside. Just let it out. It's good, trust me. You don't want people to think of you as a bottled-up-old battle axe.
Great post, dear. I just loved this :))
-Jocee <3
P.S. I hope you like uber-duber-super long comments :P
Thank you for reading my post, and your sweet comment Jocee. I love super long comments. : )
ReplyDeleteAmanda